I find myself frequently thinking of things as being black and white, either/or, true or false, or right or wrong. Some psychologists refer to this as dichotomous thinking. I find myself jumping to conclusions and thinking in terms of extremes.
I was feeling anxiety this morning, in getting up and going to work, and thinking about work. I have very mixed feelings about work, and it is hard for me to tell which parts of how I am feeling have to do with work itself, which have to do with anxiety about work, and which have to do with my anxiety in general. I am not sure if I am satisfied with the work I'm doing, the type of work, and/or my career. Assuming I was happy with the type of work I am doing, I am not sure if I want to continue to work with my current employer.
These types of thoughts are normal. I have had these thoughts before and have decided I actually liked what I was doing and was just going through a phase. I know other people have these feelings to from time to time. In my head, these thoughts go to a strange place. I picture myself quitting, needing to quit, or being fired. I picture myself wanting to find another job but not being able to. I picture myself taking a short break and then not being able to motivate myself to start working again. I picture changing jobs, regretting the decision, and not being able to go back. I am also worried about letting people down - my current employer, my family, myself.
One of the more stark parts of this discussion for me is that while I am thinking that dissatisfaction now means I have to quit and not having another job lined up means I couldn't find a job, I am living with being dissatisfied with work but still going and not quitting but thinking about and looking for other opportunities, at times with more or less effort being put forth. In other words, I am thinking black and white but living gray. I see a lot of people around me living gray. I don't know how to internalize gray thinking though.
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